All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
