I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
