Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
