Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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