We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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