i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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