I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
