I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
