Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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