I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
