i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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