Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
