Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
