Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
