woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
