im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
