I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
