I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
