you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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