he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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