That's intense
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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