ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's blow job season.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
