So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
