I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
