She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
