a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this beer tastes like vomit already
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
