Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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