I murdered the dance floor call the cops
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
