so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
