Got a toothbrush?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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