i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
