Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
