You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
