if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
