When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
