you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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