I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No subtext here. People are naked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize