Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
