epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
