Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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