Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize