hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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