if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
