I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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