Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize