AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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