trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
