Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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