So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
