Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
