How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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