I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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