what day is it and did you see me today?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
