We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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