I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
