Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
