so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize