He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
