he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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