yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
