Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
