Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
