five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
