Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
