Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
