Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
