Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize