I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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