Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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