also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
