The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
