I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
