My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
