YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
