So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
His nipple licking is glorious
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