So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
