For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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