Need sex. Gaining weight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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