I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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