Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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