Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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