we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
