I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
