I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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