My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
