i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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