as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
