PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
