Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to calm my uterus...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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