Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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