hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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