why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
