I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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