When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
