Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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