I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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