i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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