Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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