My balls are so social today.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
