I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
