New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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