I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
