You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
