Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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