i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize