Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
