After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
