epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
