so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
