Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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