Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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