i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
