I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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