I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
