**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
