He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
