i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
