this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
